Faith to LEAP.

Ummm yep--it's been a long time since I've written.  However, today is one of those days I wanted to get my thoughts out in words :)

I've been learning a lot about faith this semester and how much I still have to learn/how far I still have to go!  I've realized I lack more faith than I thought and it's been neat to be humbled and realize that I need to TRUST God.  But, like, FULLY trust Him.  I mean I do trust Him!  I really do want Him to take my life and make of it what He wants and want Him to mold me into who I can become. I'm totally fine to put my life into His hands.  However, I think the lack of trust comes from me wanting to know what's going to happen :) Sometimes I put my life in His hands and then pretty much say, "Here you go!  It's yours! But, like, can you tell me what you're going to do with it??! :)" How do you get to the point where you can fully let go and not need to know? :) Workin on it!

It's also been a rough semester in that, never before in my life has negative self-talk ever been so LOUD in my life!  I feel like Satan's been at it over-time and I was listening to/paying attention to His negative voice all day long, every single day.  Thoughts of self doubt, failure, negativity, etc kept replaying over and over again!  After recognizing this and knowing it was our dumb enemy and that there is NO way I will let him win, I've been able to fight back!  Good news! When we fight, we get to ask for Heavenly Father's help and Christ's help!  I started literally praying and asking Heavenly Father to be able to recognize and hear HIS voice during the day instead.  My what a difference that has made!  And it's made me wonder how often our loving, merciful FATHER is just waiting, wishing, pleading for us to hear and listen to HIS voice and not the lies of our adversary?!  I think He tries to talk to us or send us messages WAY more than we let Him or than we accept.

Also, I realized that with the huge, long list of goals I have and things I need to work on, I was just plain overwhelmed.  Though I was reading my scriptures every day and praying, let's be honest... It didn't really do much because I hardly ever gave it the time to be super meaningful this semester.  So, this past week spirituality has been my top goal and MAN!  It's probably the craziest week I've had so far in grad school with projects, tests, etc. but I feel HAPPY.  I don't feel stressed.  Like, AT ALL.  It's confusing because I literally don't know how I'm going to do everything I have to get done in the next week and a half but I'm not worried!  It's AMAZING what happens and how our entire perspective can change when we let God more fully into our lives!!

Which brings me to the main reason for my blog post hahaha #sorrynotsorry.  I was studying last night and came across Alma 15:6-12.  In the verses preceding, Zeezrom was physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually ill.  He had been so overcome by his sins and wrongdoings that he was in bed with a terrible fever.  He asked for Alma to come heal him and what happens in this conversation and afterwards simply amazes me:

 "6 And it came to pass that Alma said unto him, taking him by the hand: Believest thou in the power of Christ unto salvation? 7 And he answered and said: Yea, I believe all the words that thou hast taught. 8 And Alma said: If thou believest in the redemption of Christ thou canst be healed. 9 And he said: Yea, I believe according to thy words. 10 And then Alma cried unto the Lord, saying: O Lord our God, have mercy on this man, and heal him according to his faith which is in Christ. 11 And when Alma had said these words, Zeezrom leaped upon his feet, and began to walk; and this was done to the great astonishment of all the people; and the knowledge of this went forth throughout all the land of Sidom. 12 And Alma baptized Zeezrom unto the Lord; and he began from that time forth to preach unto the people."

So first, Zeezrom plain believes in Alma's words. He is converted and because of that, knows Christ's Atonement is real and that he can be healed.  But  what follows is what astounds me.  Alma used his priesthood and prays to Heavenly Father to heal Zeezrom.  Alma finished the blessing and Zeezrom LEAPT out of bed and started walking.  He LEAPT.  What?!!  I'm 99.999999% sure that if I was that sick and Alma had blessed me, I would have faith in it but would probably start by sitting up in bed first.  Then I would swing my legs out of my bed one-by-one and tentatively place one foot on the floor and then the other and slowly stand up.  I would constantly be evaluating how I was feeling and be grateful to be standing.  But would I immediately LEAP out of bed?!!  Probably not.  What FAITH.  Zeezrom had barely been converted from his sinful ways and he KNEW he would be healed.  He KNEW that God would help him and he TRUSTED that enough to literally leap out of bed without testing anything first.  He knew he would have the strength; he knew he wouldn't fall; he knew that God needed him to show his faith and so he LEAPT.  Leaping demonstrates that there was no doubt in Zeezrom's mind.  Doubt and fear are what hold us back and make us hesitant.  They cause us to wait and postpone.  Leaping disregards any possible doubt, fear, or hesitancy.  It demonstrates immediate and pure faith, trust, and courage.

Lastly, when Zeezrom leapt out of bed and began to walk, he didn't go home!  He didn't say, "Wow I'm so grateful God healed me and forgave me!  I think I'm going to rest for a day because man I haven't slept and I've been pretty sick.  I'll rest up and hit the service of God hard tomorrow!"  NOPE!  No rest for Zeezrom!  He was baptized and then IMMEDIATELY began preaching the gospel.  This was an amazing reminder that we are never done serving Heavenly Father and His children.  We shouldn't ever feel like we've done enough and deserve a rest.  NO WAY JOSE.  Even Christ and Heavenly Father are working!  "This is [Their] WORK and their glory..." 

I have SO far to go haha.  But really it made me ponder about the things that are holding me back from just LEAPING in my life.  What holds me back from trusting in my Father enough to just let go, not think about it, and LEAP?  How long will I let doubt or fear prevent me from leaping?! My new goal is going to be to have the faith and courage enough to leap especially when I am tempted to be tentative or hesitant :) 

I love the Book of Mormon.  So much :) I'm grateful for the faithful prophets who labored so long and hard to engrave plates so that we could have the scriptures.  Can you imagine how tiring that must have been to slowly and tediously engrave letter by letter in a sheet of metal with a small tool?! They did it for us!  The Book of Mormon was written for OUR day and literally is the most powerful resource for change.  If you want to change, want something in your life to change, or want to help somebody else change, apply the principles of the Book of Mormon! 

"What if I fall? Oh but my darling, what if you fly?" 

Let's leap :)